The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously.
Breaking news! F&M enforced a new email policy where students aren’t allowed to send emails to the entire student body, with the goal of helping clean up the clutter in our inboxes. Initially, this news seemed like it would be great, as now you don’t have to sift through the clubs and other organization announcements you have never heard of and will not receive as many emails as you did.
Seems perfect, right? Well… not exactly. There’s one issue that I’ve been noticing with this new policy; I’m getting the same number of emails as I did before.
Okay, I’m not going to go through the past semesters counting the daily mail amount, and compare it to this one like a math nerd; we’re basing it off of a guestimate here. However, when comparing it from then to now, my mailbox is no longer flooded with emails from students from the same organization, but now it’s flooded with faculty from the same organization. I mean, seriously, I swear that I see emails from the same faculty member from the same club (even though apparently, there’s a policy that a club can send one email per month but that’s besides the point), blurring my vision with the bolded text from the emails that I haven’t opened,
(and frankly, never will. Oops. Said the quiet part out loud).
But seriously, I would be more inclined to open emails if their goal of making our inboxes less cluttered was actually taken into action. Perhaps an organization would be permitted to send it on one day only and make a schedule-based system, which would lower the possibility of everybody getting every organization’s email simultaneously like a flashbang, but nope.
And God forbid we use Ampersand, which I think is the point of this whole thing, but I’m genuinely asking, who uses Ampersand? I could be wrong here, but having a similar system where all the events posted are in the same spot as the emails doesn’t change much regarding club advertising. Hell, students probably think that all clubs are the same anyway. With how often these emails are sent together, they are probably ignored entirely.
Even College Reporter (which I’m definitely not biased towards) is one of the coolest clubs ever, a student-run independent organization where you can write a wide array of things F&M-related or beyond to be published, has not been getting enough traction recently, which makes me inclined to blame it on the lack of emails from students. Maybe if we got the email system back, everybody could see how awesome and neat of a club we are and get some more writers (again, definitely not biased, and nobody paid me to say this), more people would attend College Reporter and more clubs in general.
Regardless, that’s a side rant, but overall, I am questioning why I am seeing the same number of emails as I did before; because I absolutely asked for multiple faculty emails that make my mailbox cluttered with the false promise of change. Again, I haven’t done the exact math… but it seems like the same number. Get off my case. With love.
Junior Gab Neal is the Managing Editor. Her email is gneal@fandm.edu.