By Carrie Teti & Gab Neal ll Contributing Writers
Intro
Welcome to your Hogwarts House quiz—oh. Wait, never mind, I just got word from a budget Sorting Hat that this is actually an article about what your Franklin and Marshall college house says about you (definitely not sorry if you still stan J.K Rowling). These Houses are totally chosen randomly and are definitely less expensive than the Hogwarts houses. Trust me, each house has certain personality traits, whether you’re from Bonchek, Brooks, Ware, Weis, or especially Roschel. By the end of this article, you’ll be able to tell the college house of every student at F&M without even looking at their student ID. Let’s get started!
Bonchek
Bonnn-chek! (Have to give credit to Don Crannell’s fun chant at Convocation this year.) Let’s be real, they’re the trendsetters’ house. Did you all notice how they started Bagel Breakfast and then the other houses copied it? Point proven. They’re also the only college house from our knowledge that had merch. Super cool. Anyway, with all these events and dances for people, and totally not an initiation cult… Bonchek holds fun opportunities for its members and a convenient location attached to D-Hall.
If you got put into Bonchek, it’s honestly the equivalent of the safe not-so-chosen option. Not saying it’s the average house, but in this way you’ve got the most sense of community out of all the houses. That’s a good thing! If you’re a Boncheker, you value this housing community and are more likely to be personable around others. The average life of a college student falls into your hands. Again, take this as a compliment because compared to other living spaces… you got it good.
(As a little anecdote, one of our writers is from Bonchek. One of us appreciates the events we have going on sometimes like pizza, games, and ice cream because we’re cool like that. One of us did not appreciate the cockroach she found in the hallway when moving into her room at the start of the year. Anyway, let’s continue.)
Brooks
I’m so sorry … is what you say to others because they ain’t you!
Living in the equivalent of the backrooms according to F&M spaces gives you bragging rights to how long you’ve survived in there. I mean this to say you all are pretty resilient people. But even more so, everyone from Brooks house gives off this cool vibe, like no one can match your energy, and that’s a fact.
Everyone wants to be around and hang out with you, and if they’re lucky, you’ll become their friend! This comes with the natural perk of being very fun and cool and awesome as well. One of the mottos of Brooks college house is “Small rooms, big hearts.” This is very accurate. According to a correspondent from Brooks, “When you’re living in a box the size of a cubicle, you need to overcompensate.”
Ware
I have a question. Ware? Where????????? Just kidding. Time to talk about Ware! Bonchek’s twin with a weird amount of fire alarms just this year, and a gas leak… wow.
I’ll be real, when I think of someone from Ware, I think of Tyler Galpin from the hit Netflix show Wednesday. If you’ve actually seen the show, it’s not because of the obvious reason you may be thinking… I hope?! No, it’s more based on vibes, mysterious vibes.
No one knows what is hiding beneath the surface of a Warian. They give a certain vibe…I’m not really sure what it is, but it’s something. Regardless, take it as a sign that you are certain and stand by who you are as a person, and don’t easily falter in the face of people’s unnecessary opinions. If you’re shaking your head to this, believe me, you’re cool, almost too cool. It’s a mystery, like I already said, whoops. Did you get the message that you guys are cool?
Weis
When you looked at the college houses on F&M’s website right after you got accepted, I bet you all wanted to be in Weis.
It’s such a cute little place. It has the sunniest great room, a cozy family room with a fireplace that feels like a log cabin retreat, convenient kitchenettes, and even suites for the first years. With all these hotel-like amenities, we all know Weis is nice. The only con of this place is the bathrooms, especially the second-floor men’s bathroom, which has caused multiple leaks at the bottom of the staircase. But even with these pretty gross bathrooms, Weis is still an amazing place to live. And it has the cutest crest.
Weisians love the community. Weis is a small, close-knit house, and its residents are friendly and get along pretty well. Of course, this also means that gossip travels fast. Everyone is lucky to have a Weisian as a friend. Maybe just don’t tell them all your secrets. They are easy to talk to and likely have great taste in art and music. Weisians are also super chill. If you live in Weis, you know how to relax, but you also know how to have fun. Members of Weis College House can go from being quiet and calm one minute to being wild the next, another reason why they are great people to be around. Star-like quality. 10000/10.
Roschel
We’ve saved the best for last. No further comment.
Imagine this: You’ve booked a room at the classiest hotel in Lancaster for the night. You walk into the lobby, tired from your long day of travel, and sit down in the comfiest chair you’ve ever felt while the piano plays in the background. You see someone walk by and say “Excuse me, I’m here to check in for my stay tonight. Do you happen to know where the front desk is?” And they say “Front desk? This is Roschel College House!”
“… Wait what? This is a DORM?!”
Yes, Roschel is fancy. Did you hear? They have caviar at their bagel breakfasts. They are doing some construction outside, too. I’m not sure what they’re doing yet, but I’m thinking they’re installing either a fountain or a koi pond. Roschellians are accustomed to this luxurious lifestyle. They’ve checked themselves into that classy hotel for the next four years (aka their own apartments that only Roschelians can be in). Anyway, Roschel’s orientation ceremony was definitely not reminiscent of what Weis did that night. Potting succulents is totally different from also growing succulents. Trust me.
Seriously though, Roschellians are natural-born leaders who will go on to accomplish significant things in this world. I mean, they just naturally radiate this energy. Keep being you because we all know you take being a Roschellian to heart. Just keep flexing it.
Hahaha totally not jealous of your living space or anything!
Conclusion
So yeah, that’s all the houses. The first-year houses, anyway (is that the appropriate name for them? I try, okay?) I hope you didn’t think we were going to cover Thomas, Schnader, and or College Row because the combination of personalities is crazy! You can’t sue us if you guess wrong by the way. That’s on you. This is not a threat. If you want even extra confirmation that you’re part of a particular house you can take our housing quiz! No pressure but it’s super accurate, 100% foolproof, and totally not arbitrary. If you somehow don’t get the correct result, well, perhaps there was a mistake somewhere and your soul resides in that house instead. Don’t shoot the messenger.
Anyway, have a great rest of your morning/afternoon/night/after midnight morning:)
Carrie Teti & Gab Neal are contributing writers for The College Reporter. Their emails are cteti@fandm.edu and gneal@fandm.edu