The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously.
Are you a senior living in College Row or West James? Have you abandoned your meal plan for weekly groceries and have no idea what the Diplomatic Cafe is? Do you step on campus once a day and then hightail it back to the safety of your off-campus apartment? Are you tired of having no idea what the underclassmen are referencing? Are you an underclassman who has to explain every event to your off-campus friends? Well, I’ve got the perfect extra-curricular activity for you!
Introducing the Off-Campus Club!
Once a week, upperclassmen will be meeting (don’t worry, we won’t be meeting on campus) with any underclassmen who want to fill us in on the campus events that we completely miss! If it seems like there’s a new party on Hartman Green every day that you’re missing out on in the safety of your CROW living room. Worry no more; soon, you’ll be the hip youngster who can hold your own in conversations about your campus!
Please email me ASAP if you’re interested so we can set up a permanent meeting time!
See you soon, Off-Campus Club!
(P.S. If you have spare meal swipes, please save me some. If I have to cook myself another meal, I will explode. Thanks!)
(P.P.S. The topic of our first meeting is the CC basement ice cream machine. Can somebody please explain this to me?)
Photo courtesy of Emily Hanson.
Senior Emily Hanson is the Managing Editor. Her email is ehanson@fandm.edu.