Onion Dip: My Thoughts on Icebreakers
By Pelli Osgrove || Contributing Writer With Module 1 good and done and Module 2 well underway, let’s address the worst part of this quarter system, the part that occupies…
The Onion Dip: This Just In: The “Myrtle Bod” Is Not Necessary This Year
By Diana Lichtenstein || Onion Dip Columnist Not long ago, I was sitting down with some of my roommates, reminiscing about the good old days. This conversation included Myrtle. “What’s…
The Onion Dip: Mask On, Anxiety Gone: Why This Year isn’t So Bad
By Diana Lichtenstein || Onion Dip Columnist So I have been hearing a lot of complaints from the student body about school in general, but particularly the module system, online…
The Onion Dip: Who Needs Parties, Friends, and In-Person Class? I Have Fruit Snacks.
By Sarah Nicell || Staff Writer A couple of days after moving into my new home in Bonchek, I Facetimed one of my best friends from back home in Jersey,…
The Onion Dip:Proper Popcorn Etiquette
By Lily Vining || Contributing Writer Freshman year of college is full of countless firsts. This is the year that many young adults first experience living on their own and…
This Just In: Cuffing Season Conflicts with J-Term
By Diana Lichtenstein || Satirical Columnist If you aren’t sitting down, please do, for I have some frightening news. According to Google, the cuffing season starts in October and ends…
Welcome to Water World
By Tess Fiumefreddo || Satirical Columnist Picture this: a hot, sunny day at Franklin & Marshall College. Birds are chirping, kids are laughing, and parents are sobbing over their children…
The Onion Dip: Silent Protest Quelled with Water Balloons Thrown from Old Main
KT Thomas || satirical Columnist Some say it was the overcast, chilly day. Others blame the stress of making it to class on time. But, inside sources state that the…
Onion Dip: American Families’ Ancient Thanksgiving Traditions Explored
By Kt Thomas || Satirical Columnist Every year it’s the same; you get out of bed at an unreasonable hour to appease your screaming parents, throw on the cleanest pair…
Onion Dip: Rates of Addiction Skyrocket in German Shepherds Following ‘Drug Detection Dog’ Training
By KT Thomas || Satirical Columnist We often consider the effects drugs have on mankind, but what happens when mankind’s best friend gets hooked? For years, Detection Dogs, otherwise known…
Onion Dip: Senior forgoes buying textbooks and puts saved money towards rehab he’ll eventually need postgrad
By Kt Thomas || Satirical Columnist If you’re wondering why every Brother of Chi Chi Chi fraternity’s back problems have disappeared, it’s because Senior Brother Bradley Herwood has started a…
Onion Dip: A Shakespearean quarrel breaks out in Lancaster when members of feuding dive bars hook up
By Kt Thomas || Satirical Columnist What they thought would be just another Friday night at a frat, blossomed into something much more, when Romeo Beeker spotted Juliet Levine from…
Male student refuses to wear bra until Trump is out of office as a form of feminist solidarity
By Kt Thomas || Satirical Columnist Life can be trying for women in today’s political climate. Feeling oppressed, silenced, and insignificant are all too common these day, which is why…
Recent Philosophy grad burns diploma to in a statement to prove that he truly knows nothing
By KT Thomas || Satirical Columnist Recent Philosophy grad burns diploma in a statement to prove that he truly knows nothing Just moments after 500 caps soared into the air,…
Student worker makes the most of stagnant summer internship with online dating apps
By KT Thomas || Satirical Columnist During an interview about student involvement on campus over the summer, rising junior, Laura Johnson, was asked about her job in the Advancement office.…